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TV, processing, and whatever else I can throw in here

TV, processing, and whatever else I can throw in here

Edit: So I wrote this last night and my Internet went out.

Right now I should be sleeping or studying, or even catching up on my e-mails, but instead I am sitting here and watching Once Upon a Time. So while I wait to see what happens next, I thought I would write here since it feels like it has been a million years since my last post.

I actually had started to write here a few times over the past couple of weeks, but every time I start on something it ends up unfinished. Then when I go back and re-read or think back on it, I decide that I should write about something else or start over with a fresh post. So here I am, writing, erasing, re-writing the exact same sentence that I erased because I decided it was not so bad, and thinking about what I should or should not mention (yes, I mean politics). Which the Mount Everest-sized headache that is currently occupying itself right now really is not helping with my indecisiveness. So instead of going back and forth I am just going to get on with it before another month goes by.

If you follow me on Twitter or ever see my feed on the sidebar here, then you very well know how I feel about the results of the election. I don’t want to get all political here. I really don’t. I want this to be like a safe place away from political discussions (that almost always turns to arguments), but I also want this to be a place where I can speak my mind and give my honest opinion and thoughts. So at the risk of potentially receiving backlash or hateful comments, I want to be open about this past election for a moment and say that the results devastated me. It was not about who won or lost; winning and losing is not what the election is about. It is the details that make the big picture, not just the picture itself.

I can admit that neither candidate was perfect. Hell, when all this started Bernie was the one I was really wanting to win the Democratic nomination. I even got a “Feel the Bern” bumper sticker even though I do not yet have a car to place it on (I also got a “Gas, Grass, or Ass” bumper sticker too just for the hell of it). But back to the point – although neither candidate was perfect, those were the candidates we were left with. And yes, I know that there were other options but in the end I think we all knew that those other options had no realistic chance.  And while Hillary won the popular vote, Trump won the electoral college and thus won the election.

So here we are now with Trump as the president-elect. And while some people are happy about this or don’t really care, many of us are fearful for what comes ahead. Many of us are in some sort of minority group – or we know someone who is – and we are fearful for our own well-beings and that of those around us. This fear is not without reason. But instead of shedding another tear or badmouthing anyone for not voting or voting differently than I (as it is their right to do so), I want to spread love and happiness to those who need it most. With so much hate in the world – that has been around long before this election – I believe the most important thing for us to do is stand together and spread positive vibes.

We should be there for one another; for our women, for our POC, for people with a different or no religion, for those who are disabled, for our LGBTQ+, for our middle and lower classes, for each other. This does not mean we do not have a fight: our fight is for a better, kinder, and equal tomorrow. Our fight is one that we must stand together in order to accomplish our goals. And even though we are (and, truthfully, have always been) fighting for our rights and equality, we must remember to remain level-headed and to not stoop to pettiness and violence. Instead of looking for a way to destroy someone’s day, we should look for a way to help out those who need it most.

As for me, I have decided to spend Christmas morning giving toys out to inpatient children and teens at one of my local hospitals and Christmas evening bringing cookies and reading stories to residents at one of my local nursing homes. I know that it isn’t much, but even the smallest of gestures – like paying-it-forward at restaurants/stores or donating spare change to charities that are inclusive, and yes, even peacefully protesting – can have a lot of impact.

Process today, fight tomorrow.

And that concludes the political portion of this post. While I would normally apologize vigorously for possibly offending people, I feel like there is nothing to be offended about what I had to say. But I do know that some of us are tired of reading about politics, so onward I go with this post.

Thanksgiving was a little while ago, but for me it still feels like Thanksgiving was only a two or three days ago. Which is ironic considering it did not even feel like Thanksgiving on or around the actual day. Not that I really care though; I actually dislike Thanksgiving for several reasons. I feel like people shouldn’t just wait until two days a year to visit family, and I feel like we should be thankful for what we have every day (and not just put a ton of emphasis on what we are thankful for on just one day). Don’t get me wrong – I loved Thanksgiving as a kid. But as I grew up, my love for it was diminished as I started to pay more attention to what was going on. And all of this is nothing compared to how greatly the Native American culture is appropriated and how washed down the story of the first Thanksgiving is. I am thankful for a lot of things, but not for that.

And that’s all I can think of for now. I promise to post more actively and write about more interesting topics next time that doesn’t sound like I am trying to give some sort of speech or be the Grinch of Thanksgiving.

Crashing and burning and other things

Crashing and burning and other things

Holy crap, I almost posted this on the wrong website, which would have been insanely awkward. I only even realized it was the wrong website by complete accident. I’m so glad that I noticed before I posted it.

Anyways, I was going to include a pretty graphic for this to spruce up my blog a bit, but I am way too picky and way too tired to work on one right now. Maybe next time? I really need to get this place looking nice. Right now it just looks all bland. I wish I had the creativity to make this blog look more aesthetically pleasing.

So when I started this blog I had every intention to write here every week, sometimes even several times a day. I wanted to make this be like a public diary-ish personal (but not too personal) blog about my life, thoughts, dreams, and whatever else I could throw in here. Kind of for me to “record” random events in my life and to share it with people who may also find themselves in these predicaments. Unfortunately, since starting this on my birthday  back in August, I have not been so active or consistent with posting. I actually do have good reasons for this though.

First of all, my Internet is pretty unreliable in my area. It’s weird because we live somewhat in the city, so you wouldn’t expect there to be so many outages or screw ups. But there is and it sucks because I use the Internet for just about everything; school, writing, shopping, chatting with friends, gaming, etc. In this day and age, the Internet has become so invaluable that having so many outages can become so much more than just annoying. I think that for now everything might be okay, so now I get to catch up on a ton of things tomorrow morning and afternoon.

When my Internet is not acting up, I use that time to complete my class work – which is also one of the reasons for my inactivity. Man, I really hate college. If I were not so close to getting my degree, I would probably consider quitting. I actually thought that I would be finished last semester, but thanks to something messing up and my adviser not really advising me, I found out that I actually needed to take and pass four more classes before I could finally be done with it. I could not even take them all at once so that I could get it all over with because two of the classes could not be taken until one of the classes was finished, so now I am only taking two classes this semester and two classes next semester. Usually I take at least four, so I feel kind of silly for only taking the two. I also don’t feel so silly about it because these two classes are really kicking my butt. I actually wrote about them in my previous post, which explains how much I hate Math and accounting.

Real estate? Easy. Medical insurance? Piece of cake. Desktop publishing, biology, or even medical office and data management? No big deal at all. But try to get me to fill out a general ledger and income summaries and I will spend the whole time thinking about how easy it would be to just quit.

One of the other main reasons for my inactivity is something I call “crashing and burning” – which, after looking it up for the first time since beginning to use this phrase forever ago, I have found out it’s definition is to fail. For me, crashing and burning is when you suddenly have a bad day where you just need to let out some steam and everything you have been bottling up. I usually get these every once in a while, but lately it has become an every day thing. I feel like I am just here and there, and as if the spark in me is momentarily gone. I don’t get so excited or the excitement doesn’t really last. I actually just don’t feel like doing anything, and not in the lazy way either. I don’t really know how to describe it; I feel like I am existing rather than actually living. Is that confusing?

The only thing I could think of that kind of depicts what I am talking about is that episode of Fairly Odd Parents where Timmy wishes away his emotions. Except rather than having no emotions, I am either not caring at all or caring too much. Like I am emotionally numb or just emotional with no in-between. I really hate being this way, but nothing I do really helps. I am just kind of waiting on it to do as it always does and ease off, which I am sure will happen any day now. I honestly hate talking about it because I worry that people might overthink it and make a big deal of it, but I thought it would be good to actually talk about it and share it with whomever comes across this blog.

While I wait for this whole crash and burn time to fade away for a while, I am going to try to become more productive. So tomorrow I will be writing a ton of articles for the amazing Nerds and Beyond, and I will be working on some beautiful graphics for my next post(s). There is actually something I am working on and wanted to share here, but first I need to work out some of the details and decide on some things. I think I will write about it either tomorrow evening or the next day.

Welp, that’s all for tonight. It is pretty late now and I need to get up early, so I am going to head off to bed.

I’m not dumb. I’m just not into accounting.

I’m not dumb. I’m just not into accounting.

Or, well, Math in general. I hate Math with a passion. It has just never been something that I have easily grasped. I need a ton of examples and step-by-step tutorials in order to really understand something. Even then I just forget about it faster than I could learn it.

Basically, this is how I Math.
Basically, this is how I Math.

When I was 6, my teacher never really taught my class much about Math. All we really did was do the color-by-number coloring pages. I would even get in trouble for that because I had lost my blue and green crayons and substituted with blue green instead. My mother only found out about this at the end of the year when it was too late to change anything. To “make up for it” my teacher gave us calculators after several parents scolded her. Yeah, that helped a lot.

Every year after that was teachers trying to catch us up hurriedly while rushing us to the things we were supposed to be doing. It never really worked out well for most of us, and as a result we ended up with the school’s lowest Math grades during the end-of-school exams. It only made things harder for us students and future teachers – in fact, one of my last Math teachers that I had before I was home-schooled broke down crying after seeing our test scores. I felt really bad for her, but I knew that I was trying my absolute best. I remember always sitting near the front and constantly asking her to explain the problems to me.

I ended up getting bullied in 7th grade* (screw you, Kristen!) – not because of my poor Math though – so my mom decided to home school my siblings and I because our faith in the American education system was shaken. This certainly did not help my with my Math problems. In fact, it probably made them that much worse. My mom had started out with a good lesson plan and even made us some fairly hard tests, but it all went down the drain pretty fast.

Our “classes” turned into us just sitting on the couch in our pajamas and holding our textbooks open until 3:30 whilst watching TV. It was kind of like Felicia Day’s personal experience with being home schooled, which she described in her AMAZING book that I cannot recommend enough, You’re Never Weird on the Internet (Almost), but with a game of Checkers and paper airplanes instead of dance classes. It was actually incredibly boring, except for when my grandmother came over with homemade peanut butter pie and had us all make spit balls.

When I did do some sort of work, it was almost always Literature. I loved reading all of the stories in all of our textbooks. I probably read the short stories about Helen Keller and Anne Frank a dozen times. Reading memoirs and autobiographies was my favorite thing to do. Well, I also had a large collection of the Nancy Drew Mystery Stories that I read every night. I still had to do Math sometimes, and I always got stuck. My mom tried to help me, but she wasn’t very thorough with working out the problems and her lack of patience made me think twice about asking for help.

I finally got my GED when I was 16 in 2012. I thought it was my ticket to temporary freedom from academics because I assumed that I would be taking a year’s break before starting college. Nope. As soon as my certificate came in, my mother applied for me to study long distance (because it was too far and I was not allowed to stay in a dorm because I was underage) at one of the local community colleges. I ended up getting accepted and was soon thrown into something that I definitely was not ready for.

I had a full blown panic attack on the first day (and a few times throughout the semester) because it was all new to me. I was pretty much self-taught since 7th grade, so all of my assignments made my head spin. I did not do too well for the first two semesters, but I eventually got the hang of it. I even got straight A’s for the first time in my life, which was a pretty big deal for me. I was really proud of myself for getting certificates in the mail stating that I was on the Dean’s or President’s Lists. I have even recently received a certificate from the school for integrated office skills and another certifying me as a hospital admissions specialist. They may not be that big of a deal, but it meant a lot to me.

However, I was not taking the Math classes required by my major. Now that has caught up with me and I am stuck completing nothing but Math classes in order to receive my degree and finally finish school. And, well, I haven’t been doing too hot in them. My one Math class is pretty basic, but I am still struggling with a ton of the problems. The other is a living nightmare. I absolutely hate accounting. I have never been so confused over a class in my life. The book is not the least bit helpful, too. I have been messing up on a few assignments, which has me worried that I might not pass this class. I really don’t want to re-take it. I would almost rather quit all together than to re-take such a disastrous class. But I am way too close to graduating for that, so I guess I have to suck it up.

And that concludes my Math rant/vent/whatever.

*She was mad because my friend and I were playing and as I splashed some water at my friend a little bit dripped on her instead. No big deal, right? Wrong. She then rounded up at least 30 girls from all grades to follow me as I walked to the band room (which was in a separate building from the actual school) as they called me names and threatened me. It actually shook me up pretty bad for a while.

Am I sleepy or am I not sleepy?

Am I sleepy or am I not sleepy?

Trick question! The correct answer is both.

Do you ever have those nights where you are exhausted and want to fall asleep, but just can’t seem to drift off? Is there a word for such an occasion– oh yeah, insomnia. That’s what it is.

Every once in a while I am hit with insomnia and just cannot get myself to fall asleep. I usually keep my phone off and lay there waiting, but tonight I decided to just go ahead and browse on my phone for an hour. I already know that I will be up regardless of me distracting myself with the Tipsy Bartenders videos or not, so I may as well learn how to make a spiked cosmic brownie milkshake. And yes, I am definitely trying that out asap. It’s like adulting while embracing your inner child.

Now I am just sitting here and typing this while watching Hey Arnold on The Splat. I use to love this cartoon a lot when I was little, and even now I am still entertained by it. Well, that might mostly be nostalgia. Some of the supporting characters really get on my nerves. Especially Sid. What is going on with that nose? It’s unnatural! Then again, I am talking about a show whose main character has a head shaped like a football. That doesn’t change the fact that Sid is bugging me.

I mean, look at that nose! It is a different color from his skin and begins at his forehead!
I mean, look at that nose! It is a different color from his skin and it begins at his forehead! Why?!

Oh yeah. In my last post, I wrote about how my local library was holding a comedy and pizza night with open mic. I was totally going to attend and participate, but I ended up staying home to do some work in my accounting class. It’s a shame that I could not go though – I had a whole line of lame jokes that I was going to use. I was even going to use how anxious I most likely would have been for some of my material, kind of as a way to mellow myself out. I’m not sure if many people around here would appreciate my sense of humor, but I think at least someone would have gotten a kick out of it. I mean, I am one of the funniest people I know. Someday I will have my open mic night. Someday.

And now Charlie has just knocked down all of my things from my table. I would take a picture and share it here, but my room is messy and it’s dark in here anyways. I suppose this is my cue to stop and try to get some rest. Nighty night guys.

What is the first thing you would do if your oven caught fire?

What is the first thing you would do if your oven caught fire?

I actually got to learn what I would do in such a scenario this past week when it happened to me.

Well, in all honesty it did not exactly happen to me. My mom was the one preparing biscuits for breakfast the next day; I was just an onlooker that jumped into a state of panic. We had noticed that the inside was lighting up and my mom had opened the door to see what was up (which I then chided her for because fire and new access to oxygen is a big no-no) and was greeted with sparks, smoke, and the first hint of flames.

While my mom and her husband were busy with stopping it from getting really bad, my first instinct was to grab Boo, Charlie, Max, and Shiva and head towards the door frantically. I am still trying to figure out if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Luckily, that doesn’t matter because they managed to stop it before it actually got bad. Unluckily, that meant the biscuits had to get thrown out. We also had to get a new oven because the reason it started to ignite is because the bake element had somehow snapped in half – probably because it was kind of old.

My mom and I went to pick out a new one the next day, and that is when I learned that some of the best stories come from furniture store sales representatives. The salesman – whose name I have already forgotten – managed to turn a boring trip to find an oven into about 30 minutes of the three of us snickering in his office as he tries to explain the lease agreement while suddenly going off into short stories about former customers. And him going off on a goofy rant about “their neighbors across the street” (Rent-A-Center).

I usually hate shopping for appliances and boring stuff like that – I mean, if it is not a book or movie store then what’s the point? – but if an employee turns it into story time with hilarious little tales, I could stay there all day and listen. And if an employee starts one of these stories with a passionate, “I have been working here too damn long,” I know that I absolutely do not want to miss it.

I think my favorite part was when my mother asked if she could sign a short version of her last name (which is unusually long) and his answer was, “If you want, you can just draw a chicken with a happy face there as long as you acknowledge that the line is for your signature. We don’t care.” He then went on to tell us about how a woman once purchased a 40″ TV and, instead of signing her name, wrote “I do not agree with this” on the signature line of each page. Apparently, no one had noticed this until it was time to file it, so no one could question her about this. After a few months of not paying, she was contacted about setting up a new payment arrangement. Her only response was that she did not agree with the terms. In the end, they sued her and she had to pay twice as much as she owed to cover the TV along with legal fees and all that. Is it wrong to enjoy the banter?

Aside from rescuing my pets from a potential house fire and having story time at a furniture store, I have been pretty busy with school and my aggravating allergies. I wish I could say that I was allergic to Math, but unfortunately such a thing is not possible. It sucks that we can be allergic to certain types of pie, but not to the infinite ratio that is pi.

Oh yeah, my local library is hosting a “Pizza and Comedy Night.” The nearby college’s improv group will be performing, and afterwards there will be an open mic. Part of me is seriously considering participating and I have thought up almost my whole act, but another part of me is not having any of it and would rather sit off in the back. If I actually do participate in the open mic, I think I will record it for whoever might stumble upon this blog so you guys can laugh at how weird and awkward I sound with my strong southern accent and lame humor. Wouldn’t that be fun?

Anyways, that’s all for tonight. I have to get up in four hours and need some sort of sleep.

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