Holy crap, I haven’t made a post in over a month. I honestly didn’t mean to go so long without writing here, especially after my last post being on the slightly dreary side, but it has been a busy month. Super busy. And eventful.
I took my proctored exams early this month and did exactly as I expected: I passed Anatomy and Physiology, and I failed Math. Again. I actually worked hard in this Math class after failing it last semester, and I was doing fine until it came down to the two proctor exams. Suddenly I forgot everything I had learned and spent two hours bullshitting answers in the hopes that they might be correct. Spoiler alert: They weren’t.
I was pretty upset about failing again, especially because I am literally only two classes away from graduating. The only problem is that I would have to re-take the Math class for a semester and then take an even harder Math class the next semester. That doesn’t sound too bad, but now I am totally burnt out from school. I kept having nightmares about forgetting to take my exams during finals week. If there was something I absolutely could not understand in Math (even after doing a ton of searches and watching videos of similar problems being worked out), I would break down and cry because certain things were just too hard for me to do. I had migraines that lasted for several days at a time while trying to complete my work. College Math is hell.
I still plan on going back to school and getting my degree, but it won’t be until fall of next year. I need a break from it before I push myself to finish. In the meantime, I am going to be studying my butt off between now and then so that the third time’s the charm. Hopefully.
While I hate the fact that I flunked the same class twice now, I have been pretty calm about it. Failing a class doesn’t mean you’re stupid, and passing a class doesn’t mean you’re smart. School doesn’t define our intelligence, and that is something I think more people should remember whenever they are starting to feel pressured about passing tests and classes. I wish I had realized this when I was little, that’s for sure.
Immediately after I failed my test (and, by extension, my class), I visited the pet store and adopted a ferret.
I’d also like to clarify that I would never take in an animal in an impulse buy/adopt/whatever – I’ve actually always wanted a ferret and have done extensive research on how to care for them for a while now. But that doesn’t mean he didn’t cheer me up straight away.
I named him Bandit, not because he has the “black mask,” but because my first thought was Smokey and the Bandit because I had the song Eastbound and Down stuck in my head (let’s just be glad that I didn’t name him Buford T. Justice). He’s adorable and playful – it didn’t take him long to adjust here. In fact, he has already gotten bigger and stronger as opposed to the mostly okay condition he was in when I got him. He’s certainly happier now, that’s for sure.
He might wake me up at 6 AM every morning, but he’s certainly a little sweetheart and I already love him so much. The cats were curious about him at first, but now they don’t care at all. Max is still afraid of him, but Boo absolutely loves the little guy. They play together every day, which is so freaking adorable. The cats don’t really care for him and mostly just want his toys. I could honestly go on for hours about him (and my other pets for that matter, I just love them all so much).
Two of my friends introduced me to Eurovision – or, as we call it, “Glittery Hellfire” – and it was beautiful. For those of you who might not know, Eurovision is basically a singing competition between European countries. It’s apparently considered the biggest European event of the year, and I can totally see why. I mean, look at that braid. It’s even better when you find out that the Epic Sax Guy meme originated from Eurovision when SunStroke Project represented the country of Moldova. And then they represented Moldova again this year and it was AMAZING.
I would have been rooting for them if I wasn’t so in love with Romania’s entry. (I mean, what’s better than rap + yodeling?? Nothing, hence this snazzy title.) I have been listening to their song – Yodel It! – on repeat ever since. It’s actually pretty good. Actually, most of the songs this year were amazing. I just want to make a playlist of my favorites and listen to them on long drives.
It was nice watching Eurovision live with them while we collectively spam the group chat we made with comments and cheers. It was mostly us comparing different singers to their actor look-a-likes and complaining about not seeing Verka yet (followed by disappointment and obscenities over Portugal winning).
In other words, Eurovision 2017 was AWESOME and I can’t believe I never heard of it until recently. We’re already excited for next year.
I also got a job recently; my first very real job. I was so nervous during the interview that I would answer the questions with a tangent of awkwardness, which would then make me forget the original question for a second. I was so nervous that, after admitting my nervousness, I got so tongue-tied for a short moment that I almost wanted to walk out from embarrassment. But I didn’t, which I would like to think showed how dedicated I am because I was offered the job several minutes later.
I am so excited about working, but I am also a little nervous. Maybe not extremely nervous, but just enough to have had a bad dream – though not quite a nightmare – in which I was saying all of the wrong things, accidentally breaking the rules, and not reaching my quota. Once I woke up and remembered my dream, I thought that I would have been even more nervous. I thought my anxiety would suddenly go through the roof. But unlike the nightmares I had during finals week, it didn’t.
In fact, I felt so much better after having such a crappy dream that most of my nervousness before has since gone away. Maybe it’s because I realized that even if I get slightly tongue-tied for a moment, I’ll bounce back like a ball. And because I know my first day will never be as bizarre and messed up as my dream. There is no way that I would accidentally drop two phones in a toilet that randomly showed up beside my desk.
I know that it’s normal to be nervous about starting your first job, but I also know that I am determined to work hard and to do the very best that I can. I kind of wish I had answered the interview questions as confidently as I feel now, but at least I can use this shred of confidence when I start working in a few days.
Along with all of that, I have been slowly getting out of that funk I was in. Last month was a real doozy because I just felt so numb and sad, but lately I have been feeling a lot better. Between adopting a sweet ferret, watching amazing performances with some Internet buddies, and getting ready to start my first job, how can I not feel so much better?
2017, for me, has already been one helluva ride, but with every down has been an even bigger up. So many things has changed in such a short time, but I’m ready to see what the rest of the year brings. I’m ready for changes and unexpected moments. I have a smile on my face, the sweetest friends, and a heart full of love, so no matter what type of “down” might suddenly pop in, there will always be an even bigger and better “up” waiting patiently.
Oh, and I realized that I still had feelings for someone when I clearly shouldn’t, so that’s something, too, I guess.