And what did YOU learn today?

And what did YOU learn today?

I started writing in a journal this past week after over a month of contemplating on whether or not it would end up as cringe-worthy (and abandoned) as the last one I tried to keep. I finally talked myself into it because, hey, at least it would be funny or interesting (or cringe-worthy, most likely) to read it when I am older. It’s already full of personal shit and things too personal even for here, but today’s entry is something I feel like you guys deserve to read. Enjoy!

Dear Diary,

I learned three four five new things today.

  1. Never, ever, ever leave anything you actually care about and/or want to remain intact – like my Sharpie pen – on my bed unless you want to find Max chewing it because he thinks it’s a new toy.
  2. Don’t try to put the cap on the bottom of said Sharpie pen because it probably wouldn’t (aka didn’t) fit after being slightly deformed by a five-pound Yorkshire Terrier.
  3. The local bookstore opens at 12 PM sharp, so if you arrive less than 10 minutes early they will not unlock the doors to let you in even if all of their signs says they are open. Instead, you will have to decide on whether you should stay there and wait for 7 minutes while wasps (that which you might have an uncontrollable phobia of from that one horrifying experience that left you in tears all night while in pain) and passing cars fly by around you (I’m not even going to try to clarify that the cars aren’t actually flying and that they’re really just speeding… Oops.) or if you should head back to the van and leave with your increasingly impatient mother who is anxious about getting home.
  4. Girl Scout Thin Mint cake (the box said it was cupcake mix, but only monsters eat mini cakes) tastes surprisingly better than one might expect. It was the best spoonful of cake that I’ve had in forever.
  5. If you fall asleep while laying horizontally in your unmade bed with your lights on in your room with Max still being in the living room when it’s almost 1 AM while waiting for what feels like hours when it’s only been like 30 minutes (which is still a helluva long time) on Nick to get out of the bathroom so you can brush your teeth, your mom will most definitely barge in to wake you up so you can wake your dog up and bring him to your room because he’s supposed to stay in your room at night and there is a chance the bathroom will STILL be occupied by Nick (who is most likely watching YouTube videos on his phone because he hides away in the bathroom to watch videos in order to get out of having to do things around the house). Then you might start writing about this in your journal after nearly hissing at Nick to hurry just to keep you busy while you anxiously wait on the bathroom to free up only to be interrupted by your mom texting you to lock the doors EVEN THOUGH YOU HAD ALREADY LOCKED THEM because she forgot you had locked them, which, after thinking about it, makes you start to feel less secure and you sigh inwardly because you realize that you have to make sure the house is locked up before bed from now on.

That last thing was a doozy. It literally happened just now, and as I write this I am a perfect medley of half-asleep and pissed off at how long Nick has been in the bathroom. I’m starting to wonder if Thin Mint cake can substitute toothpaste because that might be my only way of getting to brush my teeth tonight, but now that I read that again with a slightly more awake brain I realize that it would actually do the opposite and be a really bad plan. Also, someone needs to invent a cake that could take the place of toothpaste for situations just like this. It could be like Greenies, but for humans.

Suddenly I am getting off track and forgetting how angry I am. And how sleepy I am. If I don’t get to sleep soon, I’ll… I’ll.. Screw it, I’ll just probably fall asleep right here and end up drooling all over the pages. On the bright side, at least it would be like the perfect test to see just how well-made this journal is and if the Sharpie pens could withstand my saliva without smudging. Oh! He’s out! Gotta go make Chip Skylark proud!

Okay, I’m back. My teeth are clean and minty fresh (not from cake, I swear), and I may or may not have the song “Shiny Teeth and Me” stuck in my head. Okay, I do. Big deal. It’s not like anyone will ever find out about this. Although… This experience might have been bitter for me, it would make a great blog post…

Today was a learning experience and I’m hopeful there isn’t a review tomorrow for the test. I’m okay with flunking this shit. But, hey, at least I got to re-watch The Lion King with James today and eat a spoonful of cake.

Love,

Taylor

I wonder if this post alone would be sufficient in my About Me page because you may never get a better idea of how I am than you would with this post. It even came straight from my diary.

Also, after brushing my teeth I am now wide awake. If not for this I would have just made a note on my phone to write this tomorrow. But now I’m starting to doze off, so I hope you guys can find some humor in my angry (and quite possibly passive-agresssive-ish) journal entry. Maybe tomorrow I will laugh about it, too, after I scold Nick for being a total bathroom hog.

6 thoughts on “And what did YOU learn today?

  1. HAHAHA I LOVE THIS. I can totally 1000000% relate to the boy bathroom hogs (WHAT are they DOING!? It’s can’t be THAT because it’s been longer than 30 seconds….) AND bee phobias. I feel in a bee nest when I was a kid….Bees (shudder) NOPE NOPE NOPITY NOPE NO

    1. SERIOUSLY, WHAT ARE THEY DOING IN THERE? Katie, this is why we need private bathrooms in our homes. One for everyone else and one for those of us who DON’T SPEND FOREVER DOING GOD KNOWS WHAT.

      Oh my gosh, you poor soul. Bees and wasps are just evil… Bees will sting you and literally DIE IN ORDER TO SCREW UP YOUR DAY. Wasps are evil little assholes who gang up on you with their butts.

        1. Late reply is late. I’m so sorry about this!

          Oh God, I don’t even want to think about that… LMAO. Honestly, all bugs are little assholes.. Thinking bugs are just the most assholiest LOL

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