Holy crap, I almost posted this on the wrong website, which would have been insanely awkward. I only even realized it was the wrong website by complete accident. I’m so glad that I noticed before I posted it.
Anyways, I was going to include a pretty graphic for this to spruce up my blog a bit, but I am way too picky and way too tired to work on one right now. Maybe next time? I really need to get this place looking nice. Right now it just looks all bland. I wish I had the creativity to make this blog look more aesthetically pleasing.
So when I started this blog I had every intention to write here every week, sometimes even several times a day. I wanted to make this be like a public diary-ish personal (but not too personal) blog about my life, thoughts, dreams, and whatever else I could throw in here. Kind of for me to “record” random events in my life and to share it with people who may also find themselves in these predicaments. Unfortunately, since starting this on my birthday back in August, I have not been so active or consistent with posting. I actually do have good reasons for this though.
First of all, my Internet is pretty unreliable in my area. It’s weird because we live somewhat in the city, so you wouldn’t expect there to be so many outages or screw ups. But there is and it sucks because I use the Internet for just about everything; school, writing, shopping, chatting with friends, gaming, etc. In this day and age, the Internet has become so invaluable that having so many outages can become so much more than just annoying. I think that for now everything might be okay, so now I get to catch up on a ton of things tomorrow morning and afternoon.
When my Internet is not acting up, I use that time to complete my class work – which is also one of the reasons for my inactivity. Man, I really hate college. If I were not so close to getting my degree, I would probably consider quitting. I actually thought that I would be finished last semester, but thanks to something messing up and my adviser not really advising me, I found out that I actually needed to take and pass four more classes before I could finally be done with it. I could not even take them all at once so that I could get it all over with because two of the classes could not be taken until one of the classes was finished, so now I am only taking two classes this semester and two classes next semester. Usually I take at least four, so I feel kind of silly for only taking the two. I also don’t feel so silly about it because these two classes are really kicking my butt. I actually wrote about them in my previous post, which explains how much I hate Math and accounting.
Real estate? Easy. Medical insurance? Piece of cake. Desktop publishing, biology, or even medical office and data management? No big deal at all. But try to get me to fill out a general ledger and income summaries and I will spend the whole time thinking about how easy it would be to just quit.
One of the other main reasons for my inactivity is something I call “crashing and burning” – which, after looking it up for the first time since beginning to use this phrase forever ago, I have found out it’s definition is to fail. For me, crashing and burning is when you suddenly have a bad day where you just need to let out some steam and everything you have been bottling up. I usually get these every once in a while, but lately it has become an every day thing. I feel like I am just here and there, and as if the spark in me is momentarily gone. I don’t get so excited or the excitement doesn’t really last. I actually just don’t feel like doing anything, and not in the lazy way either. I don’t really know how to describe it; I feel like I am existing rather than actually living. Is that confusing?
The only thing I could think of that kind of depicts what I am talking about is that episode of Fairly Odd Parents where Timmy wishes away his emotions. Except rather than having no emotions, I am either not caring at all or caring too much. Like I am emotionally numb or just emotional with no in-between. I really hate being this way, but nothing I do really helps. I am just kind of waiting on it to do as it always does and ease off, which I am sure will happen any day now. I honestly hate talking about it because I worry that people might overthink it and make a big deal of it, but I thought it would be good to actually talk about it and share it with whomever comes across this blog.
While I wait for this whole crash and burn time to fade away for a while, I am going to try to become more productive. So tomorrow I will be writing a ton of articles for the amazing Nerds and Beyond, and I will be working on some beautiful graphics for my next post(s). There is actually something I am working on and wanted to share here, but first I need to work out some of the details and decide on some things. I think I will write about it either tomorrow evening or the next day.
Welp, that’s all for tonight. It is pretty late now and I need to get up early, so I am going to head off to bed.