I am a jerk. And before anyone says otherwise, let me explain.

I am a jerk. And before anyone says otherwise, let me explain.

Do you ever do something slightly stupid and let it gnaw at you for 100 years? I certainly do. In fact, I remember once that I had entered a small, smelly furniture store when I was a kid and had covered my nose in disgust just as the owner walked by. I spent the whole time inside feeling ashamed and wanting to make up for possibly hurting the old man’s feelings, but I just stayed mute. And then I thought about that incident about three years later because I felt like such a jerk even though it was probably insignificant to him.

Well, last night I had mentioned ordering Domino’s, right? When my cheesy bread arrived, my inner jerk came out for a second. No, I wasn’t mean to the delivery guy or anything. In fact, I may have made his night by giving him a tip (or at least he looked really happy when I did). The “jerk thing” came out immediately after the exchange had been made and the door had been shut.

See, it was really dark out and we usually keep the porch light on when we are expecting a late night delivery. But as soon as that door was shut, I turned off the light. I realized that he had not even had the chance to leave the porch when I turned it off, but I suddenly felt too awkward to turn it back on so I just kept it off. And that feeling of shame rushed right back to me.

I mean, what if he had accidentally stepped in cat food and tracked it in his car? What if he had fallen off the steps or ramp because of the sudden darkness? What if he had wondered off into the night never to be seen again– okay, that did not happen. None of that happened (well, I don’t think he stepped in cat food) thankfully. I suppose I just hate inconveniencing people, even if it is really insignificant to them.

Anyways, now you know why I am a jerk.

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